Monday, November 29, 2021
Home > Opinion > World’s newest marital status …“Complicated!”

World’s newest marital status …“Complicated!”

Many years ago, I could remember that when one is asked about ones marital status, the response was often “single” or “married.” However, these two options, has continued to expand with the addition of “widowed”, “divorced”, “legally or illegally separated”, and even “common law”. Ha ha ha, the new options are as complicated as it sounds. And now, the newest relationship status is “complicated”, which is gradually substituting the already existing status with impunity.

Indeed, the newest relationship status is beginning to gain wide acceptability. It’s already a relationship status on Facebook, it suggests that it’s gaining popularity across diverse societies.

A popular Nigeria musician sang; “…I’m in love with 2 women, I don’t know which one to choose…” Now, my esteemed readers; can you genuinely love two people equally at the same time? It looks like it’s complicated? Again, it is alleged that another popular Nigerian musician had 5 children from 5 different women, doesn’t it sounds complicated?

Everyday, I watch with deep consternation as men and women migrate or take exit from single to complicated and from married to complicated. Now, as the migration continues, I began to inquire about this newly introduced or adopted relationship status, only to find out, to my uttermost amazement, that virtually everyone is a victim or beneficiary! Check again, it’s either you are in it, or out of it, or about to go into it!

Perharps, those who seem to be in complicated relationships, are battling and hoping that someday they will to come out of it, while those who have not been there are threading unconsciously in that path.

Indeed, getting into complicated relationships is easy, but coming out is where the problem lies. Just in a second, a relationship can turn complicated. It doesn’t give sufficient notice. You only recognize it only when you are into it…ha ha. Many people could have avoided complicated relationships if they had known the cost.

Complicated relation is exemplified in insincerity upon insincerity, multi-dating, multiple-marriages, cheating, infidelity, mistrust, and suspicion. Now, who is free from complicated relationship?

Left, right and centre, people are bold to admit that they beneficiaries or victims of complicated relationship, as one of my friends, Ken said recently; “I’m not sure if I’m dating, even when I have a date.” Truth be told, it is common place now to see some people say they are in love, yet they are not sure they are, and vice versa! Isn’t that complicated?

Initially, I had thought “complicated” was a social media compliments, but gradually, it’s beginning to gain prominence among cultures. No doubt, it gained prominence 21stcentury because my grandparents never knew it. Yeah, never in the history of mankind has relationships became complicated as it is now.

It was Albert Einstein who said that; “women marry men hoping that they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not; so each are inevitably disappointed.”

Sadly though, married men “loves” women outside, but live with “unloved” woman inside; it is called emotional dating…complication!

A man has over 10 girlfriends, while a woman has over 10 boyfriends. They both have perfected unimaginable strategies to “coordinate” them effectively. The truth is that, if a man is not satisfied with one woman, he can’t be satisfied with a hundred.

Single ladies now find “love” and comfort in the arms of men who are the age of their grandfathers (sugar-daddy), while the young men thrills women who are old enough to be their mothers (sugar mummy). Men have sex with their daughters and house-helps, even with their pets. Women have sex with their son and drivers. Sisters share men, even mother and daughter share men. Men do prostitution (jiglos), while women have gone digital and online in operation. Men rape women and women rape men. Men move in to live with ladies as wife without formalities and they begin to produce children. A lady agrees to marry a dead man. A widow is inherited by his brother-in-law. A man represents his brother as groom in a wedding. A girl waiting endlessly for his suitor in Europe or America and turning down all home-based suitors, and the suitor comes back with another woman and many kids. Complication! Complication!! Complication!!!

Recently, we see cases where wives re-connect to their ex-boyfriends while husbands to their ex-girlfriends, and they begin from where they stopped, notwithstanding their marital status. Some of my investigations revealed that in such cases, there were no obvious call-off of the boyfriend-girlfriend relation, or thorough clean-up, and so same feelings exist. It’s funny, but sad!

Before, love is visible even in the eyes, not anymore, as even with a microscope, it can’t be seen. In fact, the more you look, the less you see.

The singles have complicated relationship, even the married are not left out. Married men are wooing single ladies, while married women do not want to let single men be! Neither of them wants to stay married. Neither of the sides is comfortable with the statusquo, as they seem to have jettisoned their marital vows. One of such women told me recently that the marital vows needs to re-couched to “for better; I stay; for worse, I go my way”.

The rate of divorce in our courts is usually high these days, and it’s a manifestation of complicated relationships. Couples no longer seek to understand their differences in order to build perfect relationship. Early signs of complication are loss of communication. When that happens, there would be no understanding, and then, mistrust sets and finally, your guess is good as mine.

In some homes, you will find that the children there are from a man outside without the knowledge of the supposed father. Complication!

The singles are the worse victims of complicated relationships. So, since both the married and singles have complicated relationship, none has moral justification to “uncomplicate” the other. The result is more and more complicated relationships emerging.

Not only the married and singles have it. The educated has complicated relationship so also the uneducated. The rich have complicated relationship as well as the poor. It’s a trend which cuts across all social strata, cultures and faith.

In some parts of the world, some men are tired of getting married to women that they now marry their fellow men. Even women have joined in same-sex marriage. While some countries are legalizing it, others like Nigeria are initiating preventive legislations because it negates one of the essences of marriage-procreation. Isn’t that complicated?

Most complicated relationships are built on falsehood, deception and fantasies; distance, beliefs, backgrounds, joblessness might complicate a relationship…I think the main culprit in lack of self-control.

Complicated relationship might be adventurous at the beginning, but its latter end is frustration and anxiety. So, if you are not in the right relationship, you are into complicated relationship…it’s an impending doom. However, you don’t have to compound your first mistake with the second, or run away from the crises. Steps taken in desperation always lead to frustration. Therefore, weigh the options and seek for the right counsel and that’s a positive way to come out complicated relationships.

Community Stories Nigeria
Community Stories Nigeria (CSN) is Nigeria's leading virtual local news stories provider. Through revolving #CommunityCamera, citizens know what's happening around them, get involved and help make a difference. What does, is to give voice to community issues, often unreported, neglected, under-reported or misreported by mainstream media. CSN exists for the good of our communities and community interest drives what we publish. Our stories are for social good and for the good of our communities. CSN is published by Journalists Initiative for Youth Empowerment (Ji4Ye) to promote public accountability, transparency and good governance at the grassroots

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